My all time favorite annoying sayings that kayakers have created, repeated and basically ruined.

Here we go…

1. “Fire it up!” or “He fired it up!” or “You gonna fire it up?” – This phrase was cool in little league baseball when Dad would shout it out. Kayakers have ruined it.

2. “Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh!” – You have to pronounce this one properly for it to be really effective but it is basically said way too much. It is actually really funny but only if it’s said with a strongly sarcastic tone.

3. “It’s all good” – This one is not just a kayaker saying but kayakers should not say it because they are already saying a bunch of awful stuff. A kayaker saying this just makes it twice as crappy. There are indeed good things out there but it’s not “all good,” sorry.

4. “Bro” – Now, can you really take anyone seriously who refers to everyone as Bro? This is also a word that is funny if being said sarcastically, unless the people exchanging it are biological brothers. Then it’s just true, not funny.

5. “Give her” or “He gave her” or “I’m gonna give her” – This rates right up there with “Fire it up.” Can we all not come together as a community and just say, “I ran that rapid” or “I’m gonna run that rapid”? I thought not.

Well, these are five things that annoy me. If I had a sixth it would be:
6. Kayakers naming “Top 10” things, like “Top ten ways to keep from getting a wedgie while kayaking”… no wait, that is pretty good. It would have to be something like “Top ten ways to run waterfalls” We must stop this crazy crackerness and just get on with the kayaking. I don’t know if we can. Let’s face it, kayakers are not stylish, cool or funny. They are a bunch of people who, and I quote Joey Hall, “in high school were that guy or girl who had the booger hanging out of their nostril or on their tooth, but nobody told them.” Everyone just laughed about it and remembered it for the rest of their lives. It’s funny that all those people still have boogers hanging out their nose, only they’re sitting in a kayak on the water, and now they have nose plugs and a helmet on too. I love all those people.

Anyone using these words or phrases in 1-6 should be given a wedgie. If you are guilty of saying all these things you get a front/back wedgie, mandatory, and a pink belly.

In honor of my top ten bros out there givin’ her and firing it up, here’s a video from this summer. It’s all good, yyyyyyeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

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